Building Up Your Home ~ Part 7 ~ “Be devoted to one another” (Romans 12:10)

Do you remember the moment you were sure he was the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?

Do you remember those long hours waiting by the phone for him to call? Checking your phone, email etc. for any word from him?

Do you remember dropping everything to go be with him at a moment’s notice? Lunch or shopping dates with friends was just not important. Do you remember a time when he came before anyone and everyone else?

Do you still drop everything when he calls? Are you still checking your phone for a call from him? Are you still waiting with one ear listening for him to drive up into the driveway?

The Greek word for devotion is pilostorgos which means: to cherish one’s kindred, tenderly loving and tenderly affectionate. Devotion implies a deep level of commitment to one another.

These pictures have been floating around the web lately. I think in part because most, if not all of us, hope to be like these couples one day, still very much in love after spending a lifetime together.

I bet if we were able to interview these couples they would tell us that the love they feel for one another now can’t even begin to compare with the love they had for one another when they first got married. In fact, I’m sure they would tell you they didn’t really know what love was back then! Their love bloomed over the years and is more beautiful today than when it was only budding. Unfortunately, this type of love, like a flower, requires certain elements to cause it to flourish, and if those elements are missing, the budding love can also wither away.

In 1 Peter 3:2, Peter is admonishing wives to revere their husbands, and the Amplified version of the Bible does a GREAT job of defining just what this reverence should look like. You’ll also see a few of the same words used here that were also used to describe pilostorgos (above)^”…, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him—to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].”

Allow me to stop here and ask, does this describe you in your relationship with your husband? Are you more madly in love with your guy today than when you married? Do you convey that to him!? If not, it’s not too late! If it is the case, I think you have a great chance of ending up as these couples one day, but I still have a way to make your marriage even better!

I’d like to share with you something that happened to me over ten years ago:

I was reading a book when two verses in Scripture jumped out at me. The first was Philippians 2:13, “For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose.”

Now who is working? And what two things is He doing?

Phil 2:13 makes it clear that it is God working in us to give us the desire, and then He works in us to accomplish or fulfill that desire!!

The second verse is found in 1Thesalonians 5:24, “The one who calls you is faithful, and HE will do it.” Once again, I don’t want you to miss this, who is going to do it? God, who is faithful, is going to do it through you.

I read those verses and realized I’d been praying the wrong way!! I’d been asking for His help to make me a better person, wife, mom, friend, daughter, etc. What I needed instead was for me to step aside and allow God to work through me!! He was going to accomplish the desires He had already placed within me, if I would allow Him to.

Now, let me tell you, if anyone had asked me about my marriage at the time, I would have told them it was as good as you could get!! Of course, no marriage is perfect, but I couldn’t imagine ours being any better. That morning, once I realized it was suppose to be God through me, I went before God and prayed just 5 words!! Just a five-worded prayer: “Father, love John through me!”

All that day, I began to long for a phone call. I kept looking at the clock to see just how much longer it would be before he came home from work, until finally I heard the garage door begin to open and let me tell you, I beat our dog to the door!! But I didn’t stop there, I went out to his car and literally pulled him out of the driver’s seat and wrapped my arms around him and hugged him and welcomed him home, letting him know he had been missed terribly all day.

John, of course was a bit shocked and wondered what this was all about and that’s when I remembered my prayer from that morning...”Father, love John through me.” God proved to me that day that He is able to do immeasurable more through me than I could ever do on my own, and after 13 years, I’m still listening for the garage door to start to go up and still meeting him at his car door thankful that he’s home..:)

This prayer can apply to every area of your life. Romans 11:36 says, “For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever…” It’s five words that can change your life!! “Father, love _____ through me.” He is faithful and able. Trust Him and see.

Til next time, sue

This has been linked to :

Time-Warp Wife A Holy Experience Matrimonial Monday The better Mom Women Living Well Adorned From Above Deep Roots at Home Good Morning Girls Simply Helping Him Internet Cafe Devotions Far Above Rubies, Proverbs 31 Wife

This was featured on Matrimonial Monday

Building Up Your Home ~ Part 6 ~ Covetousness vs. Contentment

Sep12

“The wise woman builds up her house,

But the foolish woman tears hers down with her own hands.”

Proverbs 14:1

This series has been designed to point out the contrasting ways the wise and foolish women affect their homes. It’s been a few weeks since my last post, so I thought it might be time to include a bit of review before we move onto the next area.

In the first segment we learned women can build up or tear down their home through their words. We learned each of us has the power to bring life and healing to a relationship or death and destruction. We can build up and spur a person on to being all God intended him or her to be, or we can discourage a person into giving up and never reaching his or her full potential simply by what we say.

The second area was through our actions towards our loved ones. Proverbs 31:12 says, “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” According to Colossians 3:23, We’re to work at blessing those we love wholeheartedly and for God not man, and then we will never grow discouraged.

The third area was in extending grace to our loved ones. We discovered grace was much more than forgiveness. Grace actually means a free gift. A favor rendered by one who need not do so. Extending grace when it’s least deserved can work wonders in the lives of those we love.

The forth area we looked at was priorities! In the busy lives we lead these days, this area is one that’s easy to mess up in. In our quest to choose what’s best, we need to start viewing our lives as on a scale knowing that a lot of little “good things” can often out-weigh “the best” and that each choice we agree to make may mean something else will be sacrificed.

The fifth area I’ve titled: Covetousness vs. Contentment

Contentment is being mentally or emotionally satisfied with things as they are or a willingness to accept circumstances. To be at peace with the state you find yourself and your loved ones in. While…

Covetousness is a strong desire of obtaining and possessing some supposed good; excessive desire for riches, money, processions or fame; not satisfied or content with all one has, but desiring more. In the country we live in, this can be a troublesome area. We are forever being told through the media outlets that we need more. We have to have all the latest name brand clothes, shoes, boots, sneakers, sports equipment, purses, etc. It’s hard to even keep up on the latest trends today, for they seem to be always changing!

I lived for some time in a third world country where Americans were considered rich simply because we had homes with running water and electricity, and after returning to this country once more, I honestly didn’t think I’d ever have trouble in this particular area, but that hasn’t been the case.

There was one time when I decided that our home was no longer meeting our needs. After all, we had originally bought it knowing it was small and only intended to live there a few years, build up some equity, and then sell it and buy our dream home. We had already been living in this one for eight years!! My husband, however, had grown used to having a very small mortgage payment and liked being able to be free to enjoy life a bit without having to worry about paying the mortgage each month. He was content right where we were, but I definitely wasn’t!

I began a quest to find a new home on my own and talk him into it all at the same time. Until one day, as I was describing this perfect home I saw advertised, he looked at me and said words that literally rocked my world, “Are you saying I can’t provide for you?” The Lord used those words to wake me up to exactly what I had been doing for months!!

I looked my guy right in the eyes and said, “No, I’m saying I am not content with all God has given me. I’m sorry to say, I still want more.” Just imagine, after giving me the assurance of spending eternity in paradise, blessing me with my best friend and husband, two awesome kids, a home, cars…way more than anyone ever needed, and I still wasn’t content! I had justified my desire for more by the fact that we had out grown our space even though I knew families with seven or more children were living in grass huts together.

In this country, perhaps more than anywhere else in the world, we can easily convince ourselves we need more. We can even get deep into debt striving for the bigger and better THINGS when if we would only stop and take a careful inventory of our lives, we would discover we already have the very best this world has to offer.

Paul once said in Philippians 4:11-13, “…I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

According to Paul, contentment doesn’t come naturally; it is something that is learned over time through our relationship with Christ Jesus. The wise woman begins to realize that her worth is not found in the latest designer handbag that she’ll be able to find at the local Goodwill in a few years. The wise woman knows she is already a daughter of the King of Kings. Likewise, the wise woman knows that no house in this world could begin to compare to the home waiting for her in heaven.

The wise woman rests content in her relationship in Christ and focuses on teaching her children to do the same.

I’d like to ask you to stop for just a moment and reflect on your life, your morning, or the past week; does your life reflect the words of Paul above? Are you absolutely content with your life, or do you find yourself wanting more? Paul penned those words while sitting in a Roman prison chained to an Imperial Guard 24/7, yet he could encourage the Philippians to rejoice!! (Phil 4:4) If Paul can find contentment in his circumstances we sure can!! In fact, we can do all things through Christ who give us strength! (Phil 4:13)

‘Til next time! sue

Building Up Your Home ~ Part 5 ~ Prioritize!

Aug22

Despite all of today’s modern technology that has made our lives easier, we still seem pressed to complete all we have to do within 24 hours! I will be honest with you, I could write volumes on this one area, and trying to condense it all into one page is going to be tough!

This is an issue that has hindered women for centuries! The Bible gives us a great example through the story of two sisters, Martha and Mary, and what each did when unexpected guest came for dinner. Luke 10:39-42:

^”As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, He came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to Him. Martha had a sister named Mary, who seated herself at the Lord’s feet and was listening to His teaching.But Martha [overly occupied and too busy] was distracted with much serving; and she came up to Him and said, Lord, is it nothing to You that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me [to lend a hand and do her part along with me]!

But the Lord replied to her by saying, Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things;There is need of only one or but a few things. Mary has chosen the good portion [that which is to her advantage], which shall not be taken away from her.”

Which sister can you most identify with? What would you do if honored guests suddenly showed up at your home for dinner?

Mary seats her guests and takes a seat as well on the floor so she can enjoy the conversation. Not only is Mary oblivious to everything else around her, but Jesus goes on to explain later on that she has chosen “the good portion” or the “best”.

Martha, on the other-hand, is running around frantically trying to prepare and serve dinner. I’m sure she’s back there trying to tidy up, pull out the good dishes and cut some fresh flowers for the table, all while fixing dinner for these important guests. She could use a little help, and her sister is over there doing nothing, but sitting and getting to enjoy their guest! Is she the only one aware of this? Surely, Jesus of all people can see this, and Martha, in her frantic attempt to serve others, lashes out at the Master and accuses Him of not caring!

I can so relate to Martha, can you? I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve found myself running around, trying to “multi-task” and end up exhausted, frustrated, and lashing out at those who mean the most to me. Entertaining guests is just one example, however. There is something very important in this story that I don’t want you to miss out on. Each day we have a number of choices to make right down to what time we’ll start the day. What Martha chose to do wasn’t a bad thing, and just like Martha we, too, can make what appear to be good decisions at the time that end up turning out not to be the very best for us or our loved ones.

Early on, I had a really hard time saying “no.” If there were any way I could do what was asked, I would do my utmost to do it, simply because I found it too hard to tell them I couldn’t. The problem was that I would do what was asked often at the expense of my family. My time with my family or even my own free time for myself was sacrificed and what time was left wasn’t the best quality, for I was usually too tired by then.

I think working moms have it the toughest because they are forever being pulled by the demands of husband, children and jobs. Add to that school demands, social events and so forth and you can quickly feel like you are juggling too many balls in the air, just waiting for them all to come crashing down.

In our quest to choose what’s best, we need to start viewing our lives as on a scale knowing that a lot of little “good things” can often out-weigh “the best” and that each choice we agree to make may mean something else will be sacrificed.

The weightiest things should be the things we value most in our lives, things we wouldn’t give up for anything.

1.) Our relationship with our Lord needs to be first! The very first commandment is “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind.” Luke 10:27. Our God is a God of order and if our lives are chaotic that can be a sign that we need more of Him in our lives. If we will give Him precedence in our lives and turn our schedules over to Him, we may find the rest of our day falling into place. (Hopefully I can write more on this later:)

2.) Husbands, for we are one. We are to love one another as we love ourselves. Ladies, your relationship with your husband comes before your relationship with your children. It is so important to elevate your relationship with your husband over your relationship with your children, and when you’ve got young, needy children, it’s not an easy thing to do, but first you’re a wife, and then you’re a mother. I’ve seen too many wives put their children above their husbands, in terms of their priorities, and end up without a relationship with their husbands when their children are gone. The best thing you can do for your children is to love their daddy!

3.) Our children come next, hands down. It’s all about quality and quantity time when it comes to all three of these areas.

After these three, everyone’s life is different. You can fit in work, volunteer service, extended family members, errands, chores, television, computer time, etc. There are many good choices that we need to make sure aren’t given a higher value than they should be.

I will leave you with one way to view your time with the top three. I always look at my time spent with God, husband and children as an investment in the future. The sacrifices of time spent today will always pay great dividends later on. Consider your time with the top three as investing in your future and shoot for gold!

Building Up Your Home ~ Part 4 ~ Extending Grace

Jul16

Building Up Your Home ~ Part 4 ~ Extending Grace

Grace is perhaps one of the most misunderstood words. Some people define grace as forgiveness. Some define it as mercy, but grace is so much more than that. Grace actually means a free gift. A favor rendered by one who need not do so. It is an unearned favor or gift. In other words we did nothing to earn it or deserve it; it is simply and freely given.

Grace is something we all need extended to us at times, for not one of us is perfect. We all experience times of failure. We all know exactly where our imperfections lie, yet society has us so focused on perfection! Plastic surgery is becoming the norm as are nail and tanning salons, etc. Just look at the media; the only time it’s okay not to be super thin is when you’re on The Biggest Loser and that’s only because the producers want us to watch them strive for perfection!

Just think about a child, when they come down the stairs all dressed up, hair all combed, looking just perfect, what do we say? “Aw, don’t you look…” But when that same child manages to get spaghetti all over their face, clothes and hands later on in the day, they need grace bestowed. They need to know it’s okay to mess up.

Growing up, I had a brother who never had to try in school to make straight A’s, while I had to work hard just to pull C’s & B’s. I loved taking ballet and loved to dance, but my best friend was always better at it than I was, and she didn’t even seem to like it that much! I’m sure you have had friends like mine, prettier, smarter, friendlier, wittier and so on. I started thinking of myself as “your basic vanilla ice cream” in the broad spectrum of flavors. I was never great at anything, but average in lots of things. I think that pretty much describes the classic person in need of grace.

Then one day I read something that literally changed my whole life and especially my perspective!! It was the words found in Ephesians 2:8-9:

For it is by free grace (God’s unmerited favor) that you are saved (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ’s salvation) through [your] faith. And this [salvation] is not of yourselves [of your own doing, it came not through your own striving], but it is the gift of God;Not because of works, lest any man should boast. (Amplified)

Wow! I highlighted and underlined these verses so much that I wore a hole in my Bible! Even today, I cannot adequately express the freedom that came over me at that moment. Me, the one who never felt like she measured up, was given grace without having to measure up to anyone’s standards.

We all need that same grace applied to our lives. Just imagine for a moment if this world would lavish that same grace God freely gives upon one another! Everyone would be loved, accepted and encouraged to try.

Now don’t get me wrong, God still disciplines those He loves. We aren’t free to do as we please as Paul explained in Romans 6:1 Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace? ²Of course not!

No, we’re not free to do as we please, but just imagine if we could extend the grace that will give our loved ones the freedom to try. Just imagine what they may be able to achieve!

The wise women extend grace to all. The foolish are harsh, critical, even belittling and condemning.

The trouble is we have to experience that grace ourselves before we can extend it to another and then once we experience it ourselves, we must constantly be reminded of that grace bestowed upon us. It works almost like a math equation; the greater our view of grace the easier it is to give it to another.

Perhaps next time I’ll share a bit more of God’s “free” grace He offers to everyone!

‘Til then, sue

Building Up Your Home ~ Part 3 ~ “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:12

Jul11

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One of the most popular questions I’ve been asked in the past when councelling other women about building up those in their home is, “What if my husbands doesn’t reciprocate or even appreciate the things I do for him and our home? What am I suppose to do then?” I believe 1 Peter 3:1-4 answers this question for us.

“The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes, but the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight..”

Peter had just finished speaking about Jesus in chapter 2 and all He had done for us and then switches gears to say that wives should do the same for their husbands, not because they are worthy, but because Jesus suffered and died on our behalf when we weren’t worthy of such love. He (Jesus) should always be our reason for doing and giving to others and in that way, we’d never be looking for anything in return.

Years ago, I heard this story on a radio talk show, and I never forgot it. I think it goes along with all we’ve discussed thus far:

A woman walks into her psychiatrist’s office and plops down in a chair looking weary and and frustrated. She sat there looking off in the distance a moment and then finally began to speak, “I can’t take anymore, Doc. I’ve decided I’m going to leave my husband and I need your help.”

The doctor looked confused, “Hmm, Let me try to understand. If your mind is already made up, why do you still need my help?”The woman replied, ” Ever since I’ve made up my mind to leave him, I’ve been trying to come up with a way that will pay him back for everything he’s ever done, but for the life of me, I can’t think of anything! Nothing really good anyway. I need you to help me come up with the best way to pay him back for all I’ve had to put up with!”

The doctor sat back in his chair and thought for a moment and suddenly said, “I’ve got it.”

Both leaned forward at that moment, for he definitely had her attention now! ”You do?!”

“Yes,” replied the doctor. “I want you to remain with your husband for one more month, exactly 28 days.” The women was startled, but the doctor continued, “During that month I want you to do all the things your husband loves and enjoys. Fix him all his favorite dinners. If he likes to watch football all day on Sunday, make him his favorite football snacks and make sure the kids are busy elsewhere in the house so that he’s not bothered. Lay out his clothes; pack him little treats in his lunch. Get him his paper and slippers each day, if he likes that sort of thing!”

It was now the woman’s turn to be completely confused, “I don’t get it. How is that going to pay him back for all he’s done to me?!”

The doctor continued, “On the very next morning, as soon as the month is up, just leave without a word.”The woman lit up, “I get it!! That’s fantastic! This will show him all he’s going to miss out on and how good he’s had it over these years. Only, it will be too late!! This is great, Doc! He’s going to regret all the days he took me for granted! Okay, I’ll do it!”The woman rose and headed to the doctor to shake his hand, “Thanks, Doc! This is perfect!!” And then she quickly grabbed her purse and headed out the door.

Several months had past and the doctor hadn’t seen or heard from her since, until one day, while walking in the mall, he spotted her from a distance walking arm and arm with a man. They were smiling, laughing and seemed to be very much in love and truly enjoying themselves and one another. Suddenly, she spotted him and immediately let go of the man’s arm and began hurrying over to him. “Doc… Doc!” She drew closer and held out her arms to give him a big hug! “I can’t ever thank you enough!! That advice you gave me was the best ever!”

“Ah!” the doctor replied, trying to pry himself from the woman’s embrace, “So you went home and stayed for another month with your husband?”

“Yup!”

“And you treated your husband like a king? Did everything he really enjoys? Cooked his favorite meals, watch football with him, etc. etc?

“Yup!”

“And then you left him the very next morning?”

“What?! Leave him?! Are you kidding? He is the best husband a girl could ever hope for!!”

By that time her husband had joined them and the wife slipped her arms back around her husband’s arm and looked up adoringly into her husband’s face and sighed happily….

This little story conveys an important truth that is given in 1 John 4:19: “We love Him because He first loved us.” It’s only natural to want to love and bless someone who has loved and blessed you in some way. Now there may be those who continue to be indifferent and who don’t fit into the mold, but I believe most of us would.

I’ll also let you in on a little secret; when you’re focused on doing for those you love, you’ll be less likely to focus on others doing for you!

Your mission this week, should you choose to accept it, is to focus on blessing your guy and winning him over not through words, but through your gentle, quiet spirit which is very pleasing in the Lord’s sight. The saying, “Actions speak louder than words” may help you focus on your mission, and if you decide to accept this mission, we’d love to hear back from you with the results!

‘Til next time, sue

Building Up Your Home ~ Part 2 ~ “Do You Iron?”

Jul10

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My husband had to give a tour of the facility he works in to some government officials the other day, and I have no idea how the subject of ironing came up, but when he returned home that night he told me he was made fun of all day!! Now before I continue, let me assure you, this was all done in fun and no offense was taken, but he definitely perked my interest when he said that!

He continued: While he was giving the tour to all these individuals, one of them, a woman, stopped him and asked if he ever ironed, to which he honestly replied, “No, I’ve never ironed.” By now, you can probably figure out what happened next; he was teased for the remainder of the tour! Everyone was thinking that was quite something!

At the end of the day, a co-worker that had also been on the tour approached him and asked him once more if it were really true! “Does your wife really do all your ironing?” he asked. My husband explained that I not only did all his ironing, but went on to tell him about some of the other things I routinely do for him each day that he really appreciates. The co-worker, who had recently divorced, finished the conversation by adding that he hoped to find a wife like that one day.

After we finished our conversation, I happened to think that had that scenario taken place just 50 years before, the outcome could have been just the opposite; the man who would have been teased would most likely have been the one who had to do his own ironing. Times have changed, but is that necessarily a good thing? This really got me thinking.

The Bible says,

The wise woman builds up her home; the foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1

The second area in which we can build up our home or tear it down is through our actions towards others.

^{Proverbs 31:10}A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
¹²She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

Exactly, what does “brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life,” look like? John Wesley 1703-1791 once said that we ALL should, (not just wives):

Do all the good you can, by all the means you can,
In all the ways you can, in all the places you can,
With all the zeal you can, to all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.
- John Wesley

Let me tell you up front that ironing is my least favorite chore ever!! BUT, this really isn’t about ironing clothes; it is about doing for others rather than expecting others to do for you or expecting others to do for themselves. What this co-worker didn’t realize at the time is that I may do all these things for my guy, but he also does a lot for me as well.

I know some of you must be thinking, how about the women who work outside the home to help pay the bills? Trust me, I’ve been there and know how hard it is to juggle all the responsibilities of home, family and work. There doesn’t seem to be any easy answers, and there are a lot of opinions our there, but have you ever wondered just which ones were the right ones?

In the area of doing for those you love most in this world, there are only two opinions that count:

* The Lord’s (found in His Word)

* What you and your husband agree to.

In the book of Colossians 3:23 it says, “Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as [something done] for the Lord and not for men.” In other words, whatever you do, do it wholeheartedly!!

This reality was brought home to me one day when I was cleaning my kitchen floor and was nearing the end in the back corner where no one travels. Whatever the reason, I began to think of quitting early. “After all,” I thought, “who is going to notice?” “No one will notice if I do an incredible job on this floor or if I quit early, right?” It was at that moment the above verse popped into my head, “… whatever you do, work at it wholeheartedly…”

It was then I knew that much if not most of the things I do for my loved ones may not ever get noticed by them at all, but there is One who is always watching and ready to reward accordingly. Once again, it comes down to a matter of the heart; “the wife of noble character” who works at her tasks whole-heartily (from the soul). There are plenty of women who are ready to offer all kinds of excuses and will totally understand if you offer your own, but I’d like to be one of those women who is found to be “worth far more than rubies” to my family. Not that I think I’m there yet, but I do believe it’s something worth striving for, for my family is worth it to me. How about you?

Next, I have a story to share that I heard years ago and never forgot it. I believe it ties the two posts together.

“Til then, sue

Building Up Your Home

Jun27

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“The wise woman builds up her house,

but the foolish woman tears hers down with her own hands.”

Proverbs 14:1

Here is the only spot found in the Bible that actually uses the words, “wise woman”. This verse is making a contrast between a wise and foolish woman of the world in building her home, but I think all scholars agree, the verse isn’t speaking about the physical labor here of actual building. Thus far, I’ve come up with at least seven ways women can build up their homes and seven ways they can tear them down. I’m sure there are more, and as we go along, I hope to write about each one.

The first area that comes to mind in which we can build up or destroy our homes is through our words.

Proverbs 18:20-21 says:

“Wise words satisfy like a good meal;

the right words bring satisfaction.

The tongue can bring death or life;…”

You might be thinking, “How can words cause death?” I don’t believe it is speaking about a physical death here, but we all know mere words have the power to bring death to a marriage or a relationship. It can destroy people’s opinions about themselves and discourage them, so that they never reach their full potential. Words can cause a person to give up or they can spur a person on to succeed. They have the power to bring healing or harm. Pretty scary, especially when you think how quickly and carelessly we can use our words.

Let me ask you, can you remember someone saying something to you that wounded you as a child and you never forgot it?

Back when I was in fifth grade, I was sitting at my desk. It was in the afternoon, and our teacher was going over something. I don’t remember now what she was teaching, but I do remember that it was the last week of school before we were out for the summer and ready to move on to sixth grade, at least most of us were.

My very best friend at the time was sitting just three rows over from me, and the teacher had just asked V (short for very best friend) a question. I could tell V was very sincere when she stated that she didn’t know the answer. She wasn’t making light of it or anything, but for some reason, V’s response set our teacher off and she exploded! She began pointing her finger down at V and telling her she was stupid and this was why she wasn’t going to pass onto the sixth grade, but was going to have to do fifth grade all over again the following year. You could have heard a pin drop in our class at that moment. I think V already knew she was being kept back, at least I hope she did, but the rest of the class didn’t until that moment.

I don’t remember V’s look on her face, for I couldn’t even look up! I sat there looking down at the floor and hurting terribly inside. I don’t think V came back to finish out the remaining days of the school year and that summer her family moved to a new town where V was able to have a fresh start in a new school with new friends. I’m sure she never forgot that day though, for even now just thinking about it can stir up the same emotions in me.

The book of James calls the tongue a fire; a tiny member of the body which can’t be tamed (James 3:6ff). I’m sure we all can recall saying things in the past that we regret today. Words are often hard to forgive and even harder at times to forget, so how can we make sure that our words are words that heal, build up, and encourage our listeners?
Luke 6:45 says:

“The good [wo]man brings good things out of the good stored up in his/her heart,
and the evil [wo]man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his/her heart.
For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.

It’s a matter of the heart. We begin by guarding our hearts, our thoughts and the things we watch and read that may influence us in a negative way.

Phil 4:8 says:

”… whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,

whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,
whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy

—think about such things. “

No one is perfect, we can always find things we don’t necessarily like or enjoy about others, and you can bet if we dwell on those characteristics for too long, our attitudes towards them are bound to come out eventually and have the potential to do some damage. Rather, if we refuse to dwell on those areas and accentuate the positives, we could quite possibly cause that person to rise up to their full potential! Believe it or not, we have that power!

Nancy Leigh DeMoss and those at Revive Our Hearts have come up with a great way to turn our thoughts towards our husbands around and begin to encourage him and build him up each day. It’s called the 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge, and if you’d like to take the challenge and see what can happen in just one month’s time, I’ve included the link below:

http://www.reviveourhearts.com/articles/30-day-husband-encouragement-challenge/

Should you decide to take up this challenge I hope you’ll come back and share your results to encourage others to do the same!!